Betty ford says i'm here all night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
