who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
