I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
