4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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