wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
