I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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