I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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