Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
