We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
