and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize