So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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