Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
