just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
