He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
