the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
