The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
