it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
