Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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