Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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