I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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