What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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