There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
