I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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