i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
