You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
