He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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