wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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