At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
