So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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