I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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