I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
