But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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