Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
