I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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