I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
