Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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