Midget sex pt 2 tonight
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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