right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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