I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
