Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
