p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They took my balls.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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