The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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