Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Houston, we have a squirter
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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