I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
