Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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