She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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