I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
