I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
