I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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