The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
