so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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