Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
