theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
