I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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