his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
