hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
