Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
