and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
