She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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