Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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