Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She needs sedatives and a leash
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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