woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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