that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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