guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
