just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
