My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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