the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
