Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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