What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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