I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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