I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
