two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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