Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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