Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
