Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize